2015. New Year. New Resolutions.

1. Lose weight…by being cursed by a gypsy.

2. Get the best job of my life…by pretending I am a woman.

3. Become a better athlete…by turning myself into a werewolf.

4. Become more family oriented…by being shot in the head and getting amnesia.

5. Make my friends happier…by causing a shuttle mishap that sends them into space.

6. Help a troubled minority teenager…by teaching him about football.

7. Help save the community rec center…by winning the annual break dancing competition.

8. Expose school corruption…by becoming a pirate radio DJ.

9. Solve unsolved murders…by using my ability to talk to ghosts.

10. Prevent World War III…by working with/against time traveling robots.

11. Eat less red meat.